harry potter books rated by number of animals-are-actually-people reveals
harry potter 1: this cat is actually a teacher at hogwarts. solid beginning, pretty good work here. 7/10.
harry potter 2: this tree is actually a monster that’ll destroy your car, and this book is actually uhhhh a teenage boy’s ghost, but no animals. disappointing. 3/10.
harry potter 3: this evil dog is actually a man and your godfather. this large wolf is your year 9 teacher. that deer is your spirit from the future/past due to a time travel loop. your best friend’s pet is a war criminal. this is where we completely and totally peaked, folks. 11/10.
harry potter 4: this cup is actually a portkey and this man is actually a completely different man. the original man is locked in a trunk. nobody is a cat BUT rita skeeter is a beetle, and now she lives in a jar. 6/10
harry potter 5: uncertain how much tonks can become an animal, but even if she did it would just make her a furry, so 0/10.
harry potter 6: harry was far too busy being obsessed with draco this book to do anything else. harry wouldn’t have noticed if hedwig was actually morrissey. unrateable.
harry potter 7: in a horrifying twist of events, we have a person revealed to actually be an animal as Bathilda Bagshot turns out to be a giant fucking snake in a human costume. Who let that happen? Who cleared that? I need names and answers. -2/10
post-books information about nagini: no. -10/10
+1 for book 4, you forgot that Malfoy was briefly a ferret
i’m a fraud and a fool. harry potter 4: both a beetle AND a ferret. 8/10
+12 for book 4 because dragons
harry potter books rated by number of animals-are-actually-people reveals
which people were the dragons? the fucking disciples?
